Rambling Thoughts of a Restless Mind
by daydreamer4
Summary: Final chapter up. The inner thoughts of Lorelai and Luke. Spoiler warning! Please do not click if you don't want to know.
1. Lorelai

_5:30 a.m._

_Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock._ The hands on the furry alarm clock rotate slowly like the thoughts in my head. It's quiet and a little disconcerting to be utterly alone with thoughts. Thoughts and feelings swirl aimlessly in my head as I watch the hands rotate slowly.

I have a vague memory that I should be somewhere, but it's of no consequence now. The only place I want to be is alone in my room, in my head. That's where it happens. The memories swirl around and around like their own personal Groundhog Day.

"I think we should take a break," he said. His voice was clear, confident, but his eyes betrayed him. The silvery blue eyes I'd come to know so well were wounded and terrified at the same time.

"You don't mean that," I tried to dissuade him.

"Yes," he said slowly and deliberately. "I do."

"Luke, you can't-"

"I do Lorelai," Luke cut me off. "I mean it when I say I think we should spend some time apart."

"For how long?" I asked trying not to crumble, trying to play it cool.

"I don't know," he replied. "I just have to think about things. Everything has been so…it's not what I thought it would be."

"What isn't what you thought it would be?" I asked naively.

"Us, together," Luke struggled. "I need time to figure it out."

"Fine," I snapped at him in order to keep the tears away. "It's probably a good thing. This…whatever this was, it was taking up too much of time anyway."

"Well then it sounds like this is a good idea," Luke said gruffly.

"It's a great idea," I said haughtily. "I should have thought of it myself."

"Fine," he mumbled. I could tell by the look on his face that he knew my routine. He knew my false sense of confidence. He knew he was devastating me. But he also knew that I wouldn't let him see it on my face or hear it in my voice.

I stomped out of the diner and ran home. I've been lying in bed ever since. I haven't gone downstairs. I haven't left my bed. I've holed up like Howard Hughes and I don't intend to leave until Luke comes to get me.

Pathetic isn't it? Who would've ever thought I'd go to pieces over a man? Surely not me. I've been independent my entire life and now look at me. I'm a ball of emotional wreckage wrapped in flannel. Of course I'm wearing Luke's flannel shirt. Unlike Rory, I couldn't come home and start a Luke box. The sad fact is I like his things here. I liked coming home to see his flannel shirt draped over the chair in my room. I liked seeing Bert sitting watch on my kitchen counter.

Most of all I like that the shirt I'm wearing still smells like him. It's a mixture of coffee and spice and it's comforting. I find it especially poetic that the shirt that connects me to Luke is now nothing more than an oversized handkerchief for my tears.

_5:45 a.m._  
The reaction to the break was quick and visceral. I allowed myself to maintain my composure until I got home and then reality hit. I don't remember how long I cried or when I stopped. I just know that one minute I was crying and now I'm watching the hands tick by on my clock. It's 5:45 a.m. and Luke is just getting up. Normally he'd roll over absently and reach for me. Sleepily I'd snuggle next to him, my head cuddled gently in the crook of his neck. He'd place a light kiss on my head and run his hand lightly through my hair before he got out of bed. I wonder if he'll do that today. I wonder if he'll notice I'm not there.

I twirl my hair absently as I go over events in my head. I remember the good times at Sniffy's. I remember buying Luke's boat. Most of all I remember the skating rink Luke built for me.

"Hey," I smiled brightly as I opened the door. "What are you doing here?"

"I heard you hated snow," he said.

"Miss Patty?" I asked.

"Who else?" he asked coming inside.

"Well between getting knocked over by the Banyan boys when we went skating on the lake, getting snowed in and having to sleep at my mother's and not getting to see you because of it I think my hatred of snow is valid," I explained.

"Put your coat on," Luke said.

"Why?" I asked.

"I have a surprise for you," Luke replied mysteriously.

"A surprise?" I asked excitedly. "Is it bigger than a bread box?"

"Yes," Luke smiled. He had a smile on his face that gave me a glimpse of what childhood Luke must have been like. He was excited like a boy on Christmas morning and that made me happy.

"Why do I get a surprise?" I pressed.

"You restored my faith in memories by buying my dad's boat so now I get to return the favor," Luke said as he walked over to the closet.

"What does that mean?" I asked pulling on my coat.

"You've lost your faith in snow and I'm here to restore it," Luke said.

"Oh yeah, how's that?" I asked slipping on my boots. "What are you looking for?"

Luke was rummaging through the hall closet until he emerged with my ice skates.

"Come on," he said smiling brightly as he pulled me up off the couch.

Luke took my hand and pulled me outside where I saw an ice rink that he'd built in my front yard. I couldn't believe my eyes at first. Luke had always done elaborate things for me. From shoveling my walk each winter to carving me a chuppah, he was never at a loss for overt gestures.

"Is that what I think it is?" I asked.

"If you think it's a skating rink then you'd be right," Luke replied.

"You built me a skating rink my front yard," I said incredulously.

"I didn't want those Banyan boys to have another go at you," Luke smiled.

"I can't believe you did this," I said. "Luke this amazing. Thank you."

"You're welcome," he said shyly.

I can still see his face. Although Luke was always helpful and attentive, it was almost as if he was bashful about praise or compliments. That was the moment. I can still pinpoint it. I was looking at his face looking at me, reluctantly accepting my thanks and that's when I first wanted to tell him. I wanted to say "I love you," but I didn't. Instead I smiled and looked away, suddenly nervous about the way I was feeling.

I'm not sure why it took me by surprise. I was dating Luke, it was obviously going to come to some sort of logical conclusion. I'd always loved Luke, but that was the first time I realized I was in love with Luke. The psychological difference isn't a big deal, but it's there.

_6:15 a.m._  
It's 6:15 a.m. and I've suddenly realized I can't breathe. My chest feels tight and I think I might never catch my breath. I feel like I can never leave eat, laugh, live, or, most importantly, drink coffee again.

I never thought it would be like this. Luke and I have fought. Luke can hold a grudge just as well as I can. I remember not speaking after Jess and Rory's car accident. That was an estrangement of an entire summer. Had it felt like this? I don't remember. I can't believe it did because back then I wasn't in love with Luke. Back then he was just my friend, my buddy, my coffee supplier. Now he's my best friend, my lover, my partner in crime, my sounding board, my future.

That's the hardest part. I finally realized that I do want the white wedding with horse drawn carriage and maybe even the damn Romanov flowers. I've finally got to the point where I can see that in my future and suddenly it's all slipping away. It's slipping away because I want it. It's slipping away because the Romanov wedding is what my mother wanted. It's slipping away because of my mother.

"I don't fit in here," Luke said watching a tray of $100 caviar travel by.

"Don't worry, not many do, the Sultan of Brunei being the only possible exception," I tried to joke.

Luke looked up and gave a small laugh. "You're probably right about that."

"What's wrong?" I asked. I hated seeing him so grouchy.

"Nothing, I just really don't fit in here," he said again. "I feel everyone is staring at me. Suddenly I'm Waldo without the stupid hat and glasses and everyone has found me hiding behind the beautiful woman."

"That's not true," I said.

"Of course it is. They're probably all thinking it," Luke said. "Your mother hates me."

"Luke, that isn't true. She doesn't hate you," I told him.

"Maybe not hate, but there's nothing about me that woman likes," Luke said.

"Well there isn't much about me she likes either," I replied. "We can start a club, but I get to be president so I can hold the gavel."

My humor was suddenly very much lost on him. He seemed distant and quiet and the rest of the evening, the fight with Christopher, didn't help. And 12 hours later it was over. Luke and I were on a break.

_6:30 a.m._

_Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock._ The hands on the furry alarm clock rotate slowly like the thoughts in my head. Thoughts and feelings swirl aimlessly in my head as I watch the hands rotate slowly wonder how long this can last.

TBC


	2. Luke

Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews. Sorry for the delay in this chapter. It was harder for me to be inside Luke's mind than Lorelai's. I sitll don't own Gilmore Girls.

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10 a.m._

I'm looking at the door waiting for her to come to the diner. I know she won't be here. I know that by this time she'd have come and gone and yet I stand here waiting. Everyone is especially irritating today. Kirk needs crispier toast, Bootsy is being a pain in the ass; Taylor keeps harassing me about crack in the sidewalk. Everyone is going about their daily routines as if nothing has happened. In their lives nothing has happened, while mine has fallen apart. I can't get that last conversation out of my head.

"Luke I am not my mother," Lorelai yelled.

"I know you're not," I replied.

"Then why are you punishing me for what she did?" she asked. "I want to be with you. I don't care what she thinks. "

"You will care," I muttered.

"What?" she asked exasperated.

"You can't tell me that a year from now you won't change your mind," I said. "Your parents hate me Lorelai. I think the fiasco at the wedding proves my point. I don't want to be the wedge that separates you from them, but I don't belong in their world."

"Luke, my _parents_ are the reason I'm not speaking to them," Lorelai replied. "I don't understand them. I hate that world and everything it's about. I don't even understand it. The only thing I really understand is this."

"I thought I understood this," I said absently.

"What are you saying? You don't want to be with me?" Lorelai asked.

"I think we should take a break," I heard myself say.

"You don't mean that," she tried to stop me from making a mistake.

"Yes," I said slowly and deliberately. "I do."

"Luke, you can't-"

"I do Lorelai," I cut her off. "I mean it when I say I think we should spend some time apart."

"For how long?" she asked trying not to crumble, trying to play it cool. It almost killed me to see it, but I couldn't take it back now.

"I don't know," I replied. "I just have to think about things. Everything has been so…it's not what I thought it would be."

"What isn't what you thought it would be?" she asked.

"Us, together," I struggled. "I need time to figure it out."

"Fine," she snapped at me in order to keep the tears away. "It's probably a good thing. This…whatever this was, it was taking up too much of time anyway."

"Well then it sounds like this is a good idea," I said gruffly. I saw through her façade. She was putting on a mask to hide her true feelings.

"It's a great idea," she said haughtily. "I should have thought of it myself."

"Fine," I mumbled. I watched her walk away and it took everything I had not to go after her.

_10:30 a.m._

I'm walking around the diner in a haze. It's as if I'm on autopilot. The movements are second nature, but I don't really know what I'm doing. I'm here, but my mind is not. I don't think I've ever really felt like this. Maybe with Rachel, the first time she left, maybe. But it wasn't as bad. With Rachel I wanted to hit something, feel pain, feel hurt, feel anything. With Lorelai I'd rather never feel again. I want to push all feeling out of my heart, out of my head, but I can't. I feel like there's a hard boulder of pain where my heart once was and it's pressing on my soul.

I'm driving myself crazy now. I have a compulsion to go to her, to see her, to touch her, but I know deep down that we can't be together right now. It's partly her family. I don't want to be the person that she disowns them for. I know she loves them and cares about their opinion. Deep down I think she'd love for them to accept her, but they won't if I'm with her. I can't carry that weight on my shoulders.

The other part is trust. I trust Lorelai more than I trust myself and that's scary, especially when she has a history of flaking on relationships. She hasn't done anything to make me think that she isn't committed to us, but I can't help but wonder if it will last. She lied to me a few times about Christopher. Somewhere deep inside I can't say I blame her for it. I'm _not_ okay with it. I know that Christopher was her dream for years upon years just like Lorelai was mine. I know what it's like to want something so badly and now she has a chance to put together the family she's always wanted. The family her parents always wanted.

"Lorelai's with me," I shouted at him. His smug face staring back at me.

"For now," Christopher shot back flippantly.

I took a moment to catch my breath. I wanted to hit him. I wanted to extend my fist and connect full force with his face, but I didn't. I realize now that I didn't because I kind of thought he was half right. Lorelai was with me for now, but how long would it take her to realize that I wasn't good enough? How long before she saw that I would never fit into her Hartford world? But at that moment I couldn't concern myself with those thoughts.

"For now," I chuckled. "Like you're gonna come swooping in and sweep her off her feet?" I ranted. "What can you offer her aside from letting her raise your other daughter? I'm sure raising Gigi alone would be such a treat for her."

"Luke," Lorelai tried to jump in.

"And you can offer her so much more right?" Christopher shot back. "She'll be diner queen of Connecticut I'm sure. All the burgers she can eat for life, right?"

"Christopher," Lorelai said aghast. She couldn't figure out what to do, who to yell at, who to side with.

"Say what you want pal," I replied. "I _own_ that diner and the building it's in. I make a good, honest living, but if you don't want to see that then don't. I'm not ashamed of the life I have."

"I'm not saying you should be," Christopher said. "But I know as well as you that you can't give Lorelai what she deserves. You're holding her back. I know, she knows it, even Emily knows it."

"My mother?" Lorelai asked.

"Yeah," Christopher said turning to her. "She's the one who invited me. She made me see that this is our chance. We can finally have the life we've both dreamt about. She told me that you deserved better. Even your mother sees that we should be together Lore."

Lorelai looked speechless and she stood there trying to think of what to say. I could tell her mind was in overdrive, but I'd never actually seen her speechless. I mistook her silence for compliance. I thought she was actually considering Christopher's proposition.

"Unbelievable," I muttered. I stood for a moment shell-shocked. Emily had invited Christopher to the wedding in an attempt to break us up? It didn't make sense and yet, somewhere in my mind I thought that maybe it made all the sense in the world. Lorelai had always regaled me with stories of her mother. But I never truly believed them until that moment. I felt like someone had punched me in the gut and I had to get out of there before I lost it.

"You know what? Forget it," I sighed. "You fit so perfectly into this society, her family loves you, you can give her so much. You can have it."

"What are you saying?" Lorelai asked me alarmed.

"I'm saying I have to get out of here," I replied. "I can't be here right now."

I stomped away and I didn't look back.

"Luke," she called. "Please wait."

Lorelai's call abruptly stopped when I heard Marilyn call to Lorelai for a picture. I continued to walk away, fuming.

_11 a.m._

Lane is covering the tables while I take a break. It's not like I've actually been conscious enough to need a break, but I have to admit that it feels good to not have to deal with Taylor for a few minutes.

Although being in my apartment might not be the best thing for me. There seem to be remnants of Lorelai everywhere. Her scarf is still draped over the couch. Her toothbrush is still in the holder. Most unsettling is that my pillows still smell like her. I haven't had the heart to change the sheets just yet.

"So I was thinking," Lorelai said to me as we lay in bed one Saturday night.

"Never a good thing," I replied glibly.

"Ha. Ha," she said taking my hand. "Seriously though, I was thinking that you need new sheets."

"What's wrong with these?" I asked.

"Luke, these sheets are like 60 thread count," Lorelai replied as if I should know.

"They are not," I replied.

"Maybe not 60, but they're scratchy," she told me.

"They exfoliate," I smiled.

"Ah, so there is a method to your madness," she said.

"Of course," I said. After making her pout for a moment I said, "Fine, we can go shopping for new sheets."

"Yay," she replied kissing me forcefully on the mouth.

"But no silk, satin, Egyptian cotton or anything fancy," I said.

"I promise," she replied.

"And I reserve the right to veto anything too fruity. I don't want flowers or rainbows all over my sheets."

"No flowers. No rainbows," she replied. "What about bluebirds?"

"No bluebirds," I replied vehemently.

"Fine, no bluebirds," she said. "This is gonna be fun."

"I'm sure it will be the highlight of my week," I smiled sleepily. She didn't know it, but secretly it probably would be the highlight of my week. Spending time with her doing nothing, anything, was always what I looked forward to most.

"We're going sheet shopping," she smiled happily.

"That we are," I said sleepily. I felt her lean over and kiss my cheek lightly a few times, cozying up beside me before I dozed off.

There were dozens of moments like that. Seemingly throw away moments that added up to something larger. Why did the wedding overshadow all those wonderful days, all those lazy nights? It all boiled down to trust. I didn't trust that she'd stay with me. I didn't trust that I belonged with her. And now I'm alone in my apartment faced with the memories that I can't escape.

TBC


	3. To see you again

Author's Note: Two updates in one night means that Gilmore Girls is being preempted for me tonight. So since I have to wait until Saturday to see tonight's "fresh" episode, you reap the benefits. I still don't own Gilmore Girls...

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_Lorelai's POV_

I'm finally out of bed. Between Rory and Sookie I was persuaded to stop wallowing. After all Luke and I aren't officially over. It's a break. It's time to reassess what we want. Although after one week without him, I'm certain now that Luke is who I want. Luke is who I need.

Instead of dwelling on the negative I'm throwing myself into projects. In a week I've managed to clean out my closet, organize my DVD collection by genre and recover the shelves in my kitchen. This week I've decided to throw myself into helping out with the Stars Hollow production of Fiddler on the Roof. Lulu asked if I would help out with costumes and I gladly agreed.

The only drawback to helping is that I have to measure the actors at Miss Patty's. I'm not sure how I'll react to being so close to the Luke's. I successfully avoided leaving the house for two days. Since coming out of seclusion I've managed to avoid Luke's side of town completely. I've gone to the work at the inn, every pizza I've ordered has been delivered and I've managed to con Sookie into getting videos for me.

I'm walking slower than usual because I'm about to the turn the corner to Miss Patty's. Once I turn the corner the sight of Luke's will only be a glance away. I'm nervous. I have an unsettled feeling in the pit of my stomach and I'm not sure I can go to Miss Patty's anymore. Will it feel more final, more real, more unbearable? I'm about to find out.

With an arm load of fabric I turn the corner and brace myself. I'm not sure what I expect. Part of me thinks that when I turn the corner the town square will somehow look decimated. It might look like a scene from The Day After Tomorrow, but it's not. It's completely normal. The sun still shines, the wind still blows, a little too heavily, and the little bell above the diner still jingles. Everything looks as it did before and I'm not sure if I'm happy or sad.

I bustle quickly up the street now and I struggle to get the bolts of fabric, my sewing kit and myself up the steps of Miss Patty's as quickly as possible. It seems extremely windy and the air is crisp. I struggle for a moment from behind bolts of fabric to get inside as quickly as possible. True to Murphy's Law I trip and the fabric and sewing kit go flying. I'll be here forever picking up needles.

_Luke's POV_

I'm cutting the crust off Kirk's sandwich. I hate cutting the crust off his sandwiches, but I do it at least three times a week. I sigh as I throw the knife on the counter and exit the kitchen.

"Here," I say grimly placing the sandwich on the counter.

"Thanks," Kirk replies. "I'm gonna need my protein. Rehearsals tend to go very late into the evening."

"Peanut butter and jelly is a good source of protein?" I ask absently.

"It's the peanut butter," Kirk starts a story that I'm not listening to because I see her.

Lorelai has just turned the corner and although she's hidden behind a mountain of fabric I know it's her. It's in her walk. She looks like she's struggling against the wind with the fabric. It's the first time I've seen her in a week and my stomach tightens. My heart is screaming at my head to go out there and help her. My head is screaming at me to stay away.

"…and that's how I have the svelte, muscular physique you see today," Kirk finished rambling. "Luke?"

"Huh?" I reply, clearly not paying attention and clearly gaping at the sight of Lorelai through the window.

"What are you staring at?" Kirk asks me.

"Nothing," I say breaking my reverie, but he knows I'm lying. Regardless, he presses on with the conversation.

"Lulu wanted me to ask you something," Kirk begins nervously. "She was wondering if you might be willing to help with the sets for Fiddler on the Roof."

"Fiddler on the Roof?" I ask. What the hell is he talking about now?

"It's the town musical this year," Kirk tells me. "The kids are working hard, but obviously children can't build the whole set. I've been trying to take on the role of head carpenter and lead actor, but Lulu thought it would be better if I concentrated on my acting."

"Kirk, why would I want…" I started to say. But then I stopped speaking mid-sentence and thought about it. Lorelai was carrying fabric to Miss Patty's. She must be working on costumes for the show.

"Why would you want what?" Kirk prods me.

"Why would I want you to have to worry about the sets and the acting," I quickly say. "I'll help out. Just have Lulu come by and let me know when she needs me."

"Great," Kirk smiles. "I told her you couldn't say no to me."

I can't quite believe that I've agreed to build sets for the town freak show, but somehow I have and while I'm not thrilled about it, I'm not dreading it. All I know is that I'll be able to see Lorelai again. Even if it's from a distance I'll be able to be close to her and know she's alright. I'll be able to see her and I might be able to function again.

_Lorelai's POV_

The last two days have gone by in a blur. I was looking for a way to escape thinking about Luke and boy did I find it. I never thought sewing costumes would be so time consuming, but Lulu is so determined to make this the best production of Fiddler on the Roof in the history of Stars Hollow that I feel I have to give it my all. However, there is no way this production will be more historic than my 5-and-a-half star turn in Fiddler eight years ago. No way.

Right now I'm watching rehearsal while I sew from the side of the stage. I have to admit that they aren't half bad, but without any sets it's hard to tell. Lulu is either going for a very minimalist production, or Kirk has been fired as head carpenter. I'm voting for the later. I should tell Lulu to ask Tom about building a few things. It would be better than the bare stage.

Kirk is in the middle of a monologue that he's been struggling to memorize, but the kids are screaming about something all of a sudden. Poor Kirk. He just can't catch a break. Although finding Lulu was a pretty big break if I do say so myself. What is going on over there?

"Please can I help," Jimmy yelled.

"I want to help too," Suzie said.

"No, I wanna use the hammer," yelled another nondescript voice.

I looked up to see a hoard of people come into view. They were children with two exceptions. Lulu and…Luke. My heart just skipped a beat. It's not only skipped a beat, but it's skipped, leaped and jumped into my throat. What is Luke doing here?

"Okay, everybody calm down," Luke said in his best soothing voice. "We can all help."

"Kirk," Lulu yelled. "Luke is gonna start building with the kids. You can practice that part later."

Luke and children are setting up shop in the middle of the stage. There are other parents and what seems like thousands of kids, but all I see is Luke. All I can concentrate on is his presence. It's unnerving and scary and best thing that's happened to me in a week. I'm just going to sit here and observe. No use in calling attention to myself. Although I'm surprised that Luke has volunteered to help.

"Okay does everybody have their screwdriver?" Luke asks.

Six little screwdrivers shoot up in the air and one hammer makes an appearance. I guess Luke can't go on to the Phillips or flathead portion of the exercise until he gets that kid straightened out. Poor Luke. Poor kid.

"Bradley that's a hammer," Luke tells him. "Look at what everyone else is holding up and find the thing that looks like that."

Bradley looked through the toolbox for a moment before pulling out a socket wrench and waving it in the air. I stifle a chuckle that will give away my presence as Luke rolls his eyes and walks over to the toolbox. He grabs for a screwdriver and hands it to Bradley.

"This," he said pointedly, "is a screwdriver."

"Okay," Bradley replied unfazed. I have to give the kid credit for that.

I watch for another few minutes as Luke teaches the kids how to put the legs on the chairs. Surprisingly all the kids seem to have it under control with the exception of Bradley. Luke has had to give special attention to his efforts and surprisingly he's being quite patient.

"Bradley," Lulu calls. "Kirk is going to take you home now. Your mom needed you home by seven."

"Okay," Bradley said as he hands his screwdriver to Luke. "Thanks Luke."

"You're welcome Bradley," Luke replied. "Just do me a favor and don't delve into power tools quite yet."

"Okay. Coming Uncle Kirk," Bradley yells.

"Uncle Kirk?" I hear Luke mumble. "That explains so much."

I try to stifle another laugh, but in the midst of doing so I accidentally stick myself with the needle.

"Ouch," I yelp, which completely blows my cover. I see Luke look in my direction as I drop the pants I'm hemming and quickly pinch the tip of my finger.

"Are you okay?" Luke asks approaching me quickly.

"Yeah," I casually reply. "I just took myself by surprise. I guess I'd be a good candidate for one of those hidden camera shows. If I can surprise myself, imagine my shock if a camera crew jumped out of the bushes."

I'm rambling. I'm rambling in a feeble attempt to keep him near me. I'm officially pathetic.

"Is your finger okay?" he asks taking my hand.

"It's fine," I say pulling my hand back. I can't bear for him to touch me. It just opens up all my emotions.

"I was just trying to help," he says wounded. Is he hurt that I pulled my hand away?

"I know," I say a little too quickly. "I just feel stupid. I poked myself with my own needle."

His eyes sparkle a little and I realize he's thinking what a dirty comment that was. I smile on the inside knowing that he still understands me.

"I didn't know you were here," he says.

"Yeah, I've been sewing the costumes," I reply. "Lulu is determined to make this the best production ever. How'd she wrangle you into helping?"

"Apparently I can't say no to Kirk," Luke replied.

"Well who can?" I force a laugh. After a moment of awkward silence I sense that he's about to walk away and I can't bear it.

"So how have you been?" I ask.

"I've been okay," he answers me softly. "How have you been?"

"I've been okay too," I hear myself lie. "I miss…"

I stop myself. He wants space and I can't push him. If I push him then I'm risking it all.

"I missed Danish Day," I finished feebly.

"Danish Day," he replies. "Right. Well actually there was no Danish Day this week."

"Why not?" I ask.

"I forgot to order them," he says. "Babette wasn't too pleased."

"I'm sure she wasn't," I reply wondering if he actually forgot to order the Danishes or if he didn't order them on purpose.

"Right," Luke says awkwardly. "Well I gotta get back to the sets. Bradley wasn't the most trust-worthy builder. I have to make sure his chair won't collapse."

"Sure," I say wishing he'd stay and talk to me. Wishing I could tell him that I miss him. "Have fun."

_Luke's POV_

I'm walking away from her now, but I can't help but turn back for another glance. Tentative. That's the only possible word I can use to describe our encounter. She wanted to say something more. I wanted to say more, but I couldn't. There are still issues between us and they won't just magically disappear.

I can feel her watch me and it's unnerving. Part of me wishes she'd just leave, but the other part likes knowing she's there. When did things get so complicated?

I try to concentrate on building for a while. It's not easy, but it's easier than trying to find a solution to the problems plaguing my relationship with Lorelai. After a while I feel her stare abate and she has turned her attention back to her sewing. It's a welcome break and I can focus on my task more clearly.

Every once in a while I look up to see what she's doing. Mostly she stays focused on sewing, but sometimes she'll get up and take a break. She's talking to Andrew now and I see her smile. I almost forgot how much I missed her smile until now. It lights up a room. It lights up my otherwise dreary existence. It makes me happy to see her smiling again.

I'm putting the finishing touches on the table when I realize she's gathering her things together. She's going to go home. Something compels me to stop what I'm doing and leave as well. I quickly toss my tools in the toolbox and throw my coat on. If I walk quickly enough I might be able to catch her before she's completely out of the building.

"How are the costumes coming?" I ask as I catch up to her. I'm trying not to breathe heavily so she doesn't know I had to run to catch up to her.

"They're coming along," she replies. She looks puzzled and I can tell she knows I'm slightly out of breath.

"The tables and chairs you finished looked nice," she says.

"Thanks," I say walking down the steps. "I can't take all the credit though. The kids were surprisingly helpful."

"Kids can surprise you sometimes," she says pausing at the bottom of the stairs. "Well I should go," she says motioning in the opposite direction with her head.

"I should walk you," I offer surprising myself.

"Are you sure?" she asks shifting the weight of the fabric from one hip to another.

"It's dark," I say. "And late. You shouldn't walk home alone."

"Okay," she smiles at me. I think it's a smile of relief.

"I should help you with that," I say as I reach over and grab some of the fabric.

"Thanks," she said beginning to walk.

"You're welcome," I say as we walk alone down the lonely street.

"Luke," she ventures.

"Hmm," I say, neither of us looking at each other, only straight ahead.

"I don't know if I ever apologized for what happened at the wedding," she says. "My mother is so…well there's no explaining her really. I was just as shocked as you were by what she'd done and you didn't deserve that. I'm ashamed of what happened."

"It wasn't your fault," I said sincerely. "I know you didn't have anything to do with that."

"Good," she replied relieved. "I just didn't want you to think that I agreed with her. Because I don't. Not at all."

"I didn't think you did, but it's good to know," I say.

We continue to walk in silence down the street. The streets are wet and shining in the moonlight. The snow has all but melted and the air is brisk as we walk. I can see her house and I know that we're coming to the end of our time together.

"Thank you for walking me home," she says as we approach her house.

"You're welcome," I say. "I'll help you get these costumes inside."

We walk up the steps and she unlocks the front door.

"You can just throw them on the couch," she tells me.

"Okay," I say. "Well I guess I should get going now."

"Early delivery?" she asks as we walk to the door.

"Yeah, the usual," I say.

"Luke," she says stopping me by placing her hand on mine.

"I really appreciate you helping me get all the costumes home," she tells me sincerely. "I'm glad you offered."

"I'm glad too," I tell her looking in her eyes. I want to lose myself in the sea of blue, but I pull back. "I should go though," I say giving her hand a small squeeze before I release it.

"Goodnight," she says as tries to mask the hurt in her eyes.

"Goodnight," I reply.

TBC


	4. Do you love me?

Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews. This chapter conatins the lyrics to_ Do You Love Me _from_ Fiddler on the Roof,_ which, in addition to Glmore Girls, I do not own...

_

* * *

_

_Lorelai's POV_

It's been three days since Luke walked me home and again we're entrenched in silence. We've passed each other at Miss Patty's and given the obligatory head nod, but he's not ready to move forward yet. I don't know what's it going to take to make things right, but I'm willing to wait.

Okay, so impatiently wait would be a better way of putting it. Every time I see Luke I want to rush over to him and tell him that I miss him. I just want to throw my arms around him and be close to him again. But so far I've been able to control myself.

One good thing about working on the costumes is that there's always something going on. It's always lively. Yesterday a light accidentally dropped on the stage and Kirk was convinced his life was being threatened by his understudy. Two days ago Bradley was experimenting with wood glue and the poor kid at to have an unexpected haircut. Luke was surprisingly calm and helpful in that situation.

Today they're rehearsing with the band and the music really helps take my mind off the thoughts in my head. It's hard to think with "Matchmaker" on a constant loop in your brain. Luckily for me they seem to be switching gears and I won't have to hum that song incessantly for the next few minutes at least.

I'm sitting in what has become my favorite spot. I'm in the wings off stage right and I like it because I can see everything. I can see the stage, I can see what's going on back stage and possibly, most importantly, I can see Luke. He's putting the finishing touches on a bench in the wings off stage left. From where I sit I have a perfect view. So I sit and sew and hum and watch. So it has been my life for the last few days.

Luke is almost done with the sets. A lot of the larger pieces were already built, leftovers from productions of years passed. It hasn't taken him very long to assemble everything and I fear that soon I won't even have this excuse to see him anymore.

I catch a glimpse of Kirk clearing his throat and I wonder what song is next on the rehearsal list? Suddenly I hear the orchestra start and I realize that it's one of my favorites, "Do You Love Me?" I stop what I'm doing for a moment because I'm distracted by a child with a wardrobe malfunction. Luckily this kid has probably never heard of Janet Jackson.

"Here, let me fix that for you," I say as I squat down to untangle the mess of ribbon.

I glance over at the scene and out of the corner of my eye I see Luke moving. It looks like he's finished with the bench and although he's pretending to survey his work I can tell he's looking at me every so often. I turn back to the task at hand, trying to pretend I don't notice him notice me as the rehearsal begins again.

_(Tevye)  
"Golde, I have decided to give Perchik permission to become engaged to our daughter, Hodel." _

(Golde)  
"What? He's poor! He has nothing, absolutely nothing"

"How did you mange this?" I ask the girl.

"I don't know," the girl answers. "Can you fix it? My scene is coming up next."

"Yes, I can fix it," I said confidently as I untangle the mess.

"There you go," I say standing. "You're as good as new."

The little girl runs off as I look around to see look staring at me intently. I can almost feel my face flush he's staring for so long. The strange thing is that he's making no attempt to hide it.

_(Tevye)  
"He's a good man, Golde.  
I like him. And what's more important, Hodel likes him. Hodel loves him.  
So what can we do?  
It's a new world... A new world. Love. Golde..." _

Do you love me?

(Golde)  
Do I what?

(Tevye)  
Do you love me?

He's making his way around the stage now. He's picked up the bench in an attempt to look useful and productive, but he hasn't stopped looking at me. His stare unnerves me and I'm afraid of what it means so I look away to the stage in an effort to extricate myself from his gaze.

_(Golde)  
Do I love you?  
With our daughters getting married  
And this trouble in the town  
You're upset, you're worn out  
Go inside, go lie down!  
Maybe it's indigestion _

(Tevye)  
"Golde I'm asking you a question..."  
Do you love me?

(Golde)  
You're a fool

(Tevye)  
"I know..."  
But do you love me?

When I finally muster the courage to look at him again I find that Luke has almost made it to my side of the stage. He's crossed that invisible line that seemed to separate his side from mine. He isn't staring quite as intently and it calms my nerves, yet he still looks determined. I can tell that his jaw is set and he looks as though he's on a mission. And just as suddenly as he started over, he stops. His resolve fades and he places the bench down and starts to fiddle with the bolts.

_(Golde)  
Do I love you?  
For twenty-five years I've washed your clothes  
Cooked your meals, cleaned your house  
Given you children, milked the cow  
After twenty-five years, why talk about love right now?_

But now that he's taken his gaze away so suddenly I find that I can't help but stare at him. He must feel my eyes because he looks over at me.

(Tevye)  
Golde, The first time I met you  
Was on our wedding day  
I was scared

(Golde)  
I was shy

I half smile at him when he finally looks over. It's not so much a smile, but he's seen it before, the night of our first date. When he told me he was "all in" I responded with a shy grin unsure of what to say._  
_  
_(Tevye)  
I was nervous_

Luke's lips curly ever so slightly and he quickly looks down to fidget with his hands. 

(Golde)  
So was I

(Tevye)  
But my father and my mother  
Said we'd learn to love each other  
And now I'm asking, Golde  
Do you love me?

(Golde)  
I'm your wife

(Tevye)  
"I know..."  
But do you love me?

I look at him a moment longer and he finally returns my gaze. I take a small step forward wanting, needing to go to him and tell him everything I won't allow myself to think, to feel.

(Golde)  
Do I love him?  
For twenty-five years I've lived with him  
Fought him, starved with him  
Twenty-five years my bed is his  
If that's not love, what is?

Luke gets that self-assured look in his eyes again and I see that he is coming toward me ever so slowly. We're only feet away from one another. He inches closer and I feel myself go toward him.

(Tevye)  
Then you love me?

I have a piece of hair in my face, but I can't be bothered to brush it aside because Luke and I are coming face to face. We might possibly say what needs to be said. We're inches away from each other and I feel Luke's hand reach out and tuck the stray hair behind my ear.

(Golde)  
I suppose I do

(Tevye)  
And I suppose I love you too

He pauses for a moment and we just look into each other's eyes saying nothing. Luke is gently holding my head in his hands. I feel his fingers lightly stroke the back of my neck and I reach my hands up to cover his with my own. He leans forward and rests his forehead against mine and I can feel his soft breath on my face. I reach up and gentle run my fingers down his cheek. I feel as if this could finally be the end of the stalemate between us. I feel like I can finally say what I should have told him so long ago.

(Both)  
It change a thing  
But even so  
After twenty-five years  
It's nice to know

And then the song ends and the music stops and the spell is broken.

"Luke," I whisper.

It's as if he suddenly realizes what's happening and he stops himself. He abruptly pulls away from me and stands there staring at the ground for a moment.

"I have to go," he says hoarsely. He looks at me as though he's surprised. I'm not sure if he's surprised by the moment we shared or not, but he looks startled as he backs away from me quickly and dashes out the door.

_Luke's POV_

I have to leave and I have to do it quickly. I don't what came over me but I have to get away from it all. I was so close to telling her everything I felt, but what good would it have done? The words aren't magic. I can't say them and make all the issues disappear and so I had to leave. Sometimes loving someone only allows them to hurt you.

I step outside and feel the cool air on my face and I feel like I can breathe again. I take a minute to compose myself and I start to walk back to the diner. That's when I hear the footsteps behind me. That's the moment when I realize she isn't going to let it go.

"Luke," she yells as she makes her way toward me.

I continue to walk hoping and praying she'll stop pursuing me.

"Luke," I hear her yell again. Her tone is angry and I stop to allow her to catch up to me.

"What the hell was that?" she asks me bitterly.

"I don't know," I reply honestly. I can see the hurt in her eyes and I know I've made a mistake. I should have stayed where I was. I shouldn't have gone to her.

"I think you do know," she says wrapping her arms around herself for warmth. "I think you wanted to say something to me. I think you wanted to talk to me and then you changed your mind."

"Maybe I did," I sigh. "But it's not the right time right now."

"When is the right time Luke?" she asks anger abating. "We've been top-toeing around each other for weeks. When are we gonna talk about this?"

"I don't know," I say. I'm not being very helpful, but I can't bring myself to have this conversation now. "Can we not do this in the middle of the square?"

"Where would you like to do this?" she asks me with fiery determination.

"Let's go to the diner," I say defeated. It's clear we're going to have this conversation whether I want to or not.

We walk to the diner in relative silence. Babette and Morey pass by and she gives us a sad smile. It must be obvious that a fight is about to ensue. I unlock the diner, which has long since closed and push open the door for Lorelai. She brushes passed me and tosses her coat on a table. I shut the door behind us and slowly remove my coat.

"What's going on with us?" she asks me again. "The other day you walked me home and it was nice and then you avoided me for days until tonight. And tonight during that song I thought that maybe for a minute, I thought things could be normal again and then you ran."

"I know," I say.

"So what happened?" she asks me.

"I just missed you," I say almost inaudibly.

She approaches me and takes my hand. "I missed you too," she says meaningfully.

"But it's not that simple Lorelai," I tell her letting go of her hand.

"Make it simple," she prods me as I walk around her to the counter.

"I can't," I say. "There's so much between us right now."

"Like my mother?" she asks me. "I've told you that she is out of my life. I want to be with you. I don't care what she thinks about it."

"I don't want to be the person that messes up your relationship with your mother," I reply. "I know you won't admit it, but you care about her and you care about her approval of you."

"Not anymore," she says approaching me again. "She can't change how I feel. I don't want Christopher, I want you."

I must have flinched visibly because she continued, "This is about Chris isn't it?"

"It's not about him," I lie.

"I know I didn't tell you about going to see him, but I didn't want to hurt you," she tells me. "I know you don't like him and I didn't want to worry you."

"You think I didn't worry?" I reply. "You lied to me about seeing him. I would have understood if you had told me his dad died and he needed support. Instead you went over there, spent the night and then lied to me about it for two weeks. I find the fact that you kept it a secret more worrisome than you actually going over there."

"So I'm a liar?" she says pulling back. "I can't be trusted now?"

"I didn't say that," I say as I turn and sigh. "But we lost some trust there."

"And what about you?" she says.

"What about me?" I say puzzled.

"You lied to me," she says. "You made me lose trust in you."

"And how exactly did I do that?" I question her.

"You told me you were all in," she tells me. "But you're not. If you were all in you wouldn't shut down on me like this."

"We're talking about the problems we have right now," I say defensively.

"Yeah, now, two weeks later," she spits at me. "You told me you were committed to this, but the first sign of trouble and you were gone. You wouldn't even talk to me. Do you have any idea what that felt like?"

"I'm sorry," I say a little too loudly. "I needed time to think about all this. In one night I was paraded around Hartford as the loser who could never make you happy, you told me that you lied to me about seeing Christopher and then I found out your mother had arranged for your ex-boyfriend, who happens to be the father of your child, to come to the wedding in an attempt to break us up! I'm sorry if I didn't take that a little better than I did, but I needed time to think."

"And are you done thinking?" she challenges me. "What exactly did you need to think about?"

"I needed to think about us," I shout. "I'm never gonna fit into that world."

"I'm not asking you too," she shouts back. "In case you hadn't noticed, I don't like that world. I like it here with you. I'm in love with you, but you don't care. You don't want to see it. Instead you want to worry about my parents and Hartford and Christopher."

"I don't want to worry about it," I reply. "But you have no idea what it's like to be looked at like they looked at me."

"You're right I really have no idea how judgmental those people are. When I was pregnant at 16 with Rory they were all so welcoming," Lorelai says sarcastically.

"I'm never going to fit in there," I reply. "As much as I love you I will never be someone you can bring to functions. I'm not Country Club material. I'm not Christopher. And I can't help but wonder how you could be with someone like him and then be with someone like me? We're nothing alike."

"I was with Chris when I was 16 Luke," she says. "People change, but it's clear to me that you're not ready for this. You're not all in and it's not me, it's not my mother or Chris, it's you. You're the one who's judging yourself. You're the one who's making this more difficult than it has to be. You're just not ready for this."

She looks utterly crushed. It's as if she has given up. Her eyes have lost their sparkle. Her face has lost its luster. She's admitted defeat.

"I do love you Lorelai," I say feebly. At that moment I'm hoping the words are magic and that they'll change something, but I know what's coming. I see her grab her coat and put it on.

"I know," she says. "I love you too, but now it's my turn to say that we can't be together right now. You're not ready. As much as I want to, I can't make you believe that you're the most wonderful man I've ever met. I can't make you see how generous and thoughtful you are. I can't make you see what I see when I look at you and until you see that we can't be together. The problems you think we have are in your head and I don't know what to do to make it better. I can't be with you if I don't know how to fix this. I'm sorry."

She turns to leave and she places her hand on the doorknob. Everything seems as if it's in slow motion. I feel as though she's waiting for me to stop her and as much as I want to I don't. Instead I lean on the counter with my back to her as she leaves. I hear the stupid bell above the door jingle as she closes it behind her and I pick up a napkin dispenser and hurl it into the wall with all the fury of a thousand storms.

I hit the counter with my hand knowing that we're apart for good now. Knowing it's all my doing. I have nothing and no one to blame but myself.

TBC


	5. And a boat will lead them

Author's Note: Here is the last chapter. Enjoy! I still do not own Gilmore Girls...

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_Lorelai's POV  
_I woke up this morning with a horrible pain in my back. From what I can tell I slept curled up in a tight ball, clutching one of my pillows. Needless to say it's going to be a painful walk downstairs and pretty much anywhere today. It's the stress.

Luke wanted to take a 'break' from our relationship for a while, but after talking to him I realized that he had no idea when he'd be ready to resume our relationship. After talking to him I made the decision to end things. It practically killed me, but it's best to end it now, before either of us is any more invested.

He told me he loved me. He said it in an attempt to make me feel better. It was my consolation prize I guess. Neither of us are that open with our feelings. I am more so than Luke, so I was surprised by his declaration. I told him I loved him too and I meant it. It's funny. Maybe I've seen too many movies, but I always thought the first time I told man I loved him it would be magical. The world would stand still and there'd be a passionate embrace, but there wasn't.

It's almost hard to comprehend. Luke is the first man I've said I love you to and then we broke up. I told Chris I loved him when we were 16, but back then I didn't really know what that meant. I'm sure everyone thought I was in love with Max, but I wasn't. Even though we were getting married I couldn't see the future with him. I never even told him I loved him. I always managed to evade him with a kiss or a 'me too.' How could I have gotten so far with Max without a genuine love? And with Luke, I love him and I can see the future with him, yet at this point it just can't work. Life can be colossally unfair.

I've wallowed, I've cried and I've talked to Luke and still nothing has changed. The only thing that may have changed is the fact that we are farther apart now than we were before. Two days ago I woke to find Luke had taken his father's boat out of my garage. I guess that was the turning point. That was the moment that I realized it was really over.

So I'm trying to move on. I'm trying to forget about how great I had it once. I'm trying to erase eight years of Luke, which seems impossible, because whether I like it or not I'm still very much in love with him.

"Hey sweetie," Sookie smiles at me as I walk into the kitchen of the Dragonfly.

"Hey," I try my best to plaster on a fake smile.

"What's with the walk?" she asked as she sees me hobble by.

"I slept really weird last night," I reply reaching for the coffeepot. Sookie has been especially attentive to my coffee needs now that Luke and I are officially over.

"Bad dream?" she asks sympathetically.

"No," I say mixing my coffee. "Bad posture. I woke up in a ball clutching my pillow like it the last pair of Jimmy Choo's at a half off sale."

"You gonna be okay?" she asks.

"I'll be fine," I reply. "If I exercised I might know of a stretch to help me out, but it'll be okay."

"Okay," Sookie says and gets back to cutting her tomatoes.

I walk out to the desk and I almost hope that Michel is there to give me a hard time. At least fighting with Michel will take my mind off Luke and the horrible pain in my back. But he's not there. The one time I want Michel to be around to torture me and he's not here. I sigh as I pick up the mail and pretend to be riveted at the pile of bills and advertisements.

"This town is so quaint," says Jeannie Miller from room 8.

"I know," her friend replies. "The horses, the antiques, they even have an old boat parked outside that diner. It's so picturesque."

"It really is," Jeannie replies. "Although that diner owner was horrible. I'm glad we get to eat here at the inn. I'm not sure I want to worry about whether or not I'll be tossed out of the restaurant while I'm eating."

Soon enough they are gone, but I've heard enough of their conversation to know that Luke is storing the boat outside the diner and he is apparently in a horrible mood. Even at Taylor's worst I don't think I've ever seen Luke throw anyone out of the diner. Although he did stop Dean from entering it that one time.

My curiosity gets the best of me and since we're slow and Michel isn't around to annoy me I decide to go for a walk. We're out of stamps and I need to go to the Mail Boxes Etc. I'll walk through town, passed the diner in all probability. I tell Sookie I'm going to get stamps and I leave as quickly as possible.

It's not a short walk to the center of town, but the fresh air seems to have helped clear my head. I'm approaching the center of town and I see the boat parked in a metered spot right outside the diner. It's a huge boat that doesn't belong in the street. I wish Luke had talked to me before he decided to move it.

I'm making my way closer to the diner and I can see that there is a police car parked behind Luke's boat. It looks like the officer is writing Luke a ticket. I can also hear Luke yelling very loudly inside the diner. I see a few people walk out the front door quickly and then Luke stomps off into the kitchen as I come up to the officer.

"Hi," I say sweetly. "Is there a problem officer?"

"Yeah, this boat is parked in an expired meter," the officer tells me.

"So they're getting a ticket?" I ask.

"Yep, a pretty hefty one too," the officer replies.

"Could you maybe not write out that hefty ticket?" I ask.

"Is this your boat?" he replies.

"No," I respond. "It's a friend's and he's going through some stuff right now. I was just thinking that maybe I could refill the meter and then it wouldn't be expired anymore."

I smile at him trying to work my feminine wiles. I suddenly wish I were wearing the black dress that Luke is fond of.

"I don't think so miss," he replies.

"Please?" I say as I take out my wallet. "I'll pay the meter for the rest of the day. Real quick like greased lightning. You won't even notice that I paid it I promise," I tell him inching toward the meter.

"I don't think so," he says as he continues to write.

"Please," I try once more. "My friend has been going through something and he really, really doesn't a ticket on top of everything else. I'd owe you one. I'll even pay the difference for when the meter ran out."

"I'm really not supposed to do that ma'am," he tells me.

"Look, Officer…" a take a quick glance at his name badge. "Cassidy, are you new in town?"

"As a matter of fact I am," he replies. "But that has nothing to do with my ability to do my job and properly enforce the law."

"No, no, of course not," I say quickly. "I just asked if you were new in town because we've never met. I'm Lorelai Gilmore and I run the Dragonfly Inn just up the road. Anyway, I would just really appreciate it if you'd let this one go. I'll buy ya lunch."

"I can't take bribes ma'am," he replies.

"No, not a bribe," I reply quickly. "Look, please just let me pay for the meter just this once. Please?"

The officer sighs right before he says, "Just this once."

"Thank you," I reply excitedly. "You won't regret this I swear. Thank you so much."

"But you better tell your friend he might want to move this boat," Officer Cassidy tells me. "It's not safe to park it here and I can't imagine it'll be that cheap either."

"I will," I reply gleefully as I fill the meter full of quarters. "Thank you."

I turn to walk to the Mail Boxes Etc. as the officer walks down the sidewalk checking the remaining meters. I'm glad that I'm able to save Luke from having to fight with one another person today.

_Luke's POV_  
I walk out of the kitchen and out the window I see her coat walking passed the diner and down the street. Was she in here and I didn't know it?

I've been in such a funk lately that Lane and Caesar finally persuaded me to go in the kitchen and cook while they serve. They have this theory that I can't be around people right now. What do they know? It's my diner. I decide who stays and who goes. Who gets food and who doesn't. But right now I'm more concerned with why Lorelai was outside the diner. Then I see a police officer outside and I see he's hovering by my boat.

"Excuse me," I say approaching the officer.

"What can I help you with?" he asks looking up from his pad of tickets.

"Uh, I just noticed you were looking at my boat," I say. "There's no problem is there?"

"Not anymore," he replies.

"Anymore? There was a problem then?" I ask.

"So this is your boat?" he asks.

"Yes, I'm Luke Danes, this is my diner and this is my boat," I tell him. "I'm not gonna have it parked here that long officer."

"It's all taken care of," he tells me. "You were on your way to a hefty fine, but your friend took care of it for you. She's persuasive that one. Won't let ya get away until she gets the answer she's looking for."

"She?" I ask.

"Yeah, that lady walking way down the street there," he tells me pointing down the street where Lorelai is just opening the door to the Mail Boxes Etc.

"She took care of it?" I ask to clarify again.

"She saw me writing the ticket and she told me you were going through a rough time," the officer informed me. "She convinced me to let her pay the meter as long as you didn't get a ticket."

"Really?" I ask surprised. I figured taking the boat from Lorelai's garage would be the last straw. I figured it would signify the end of our relationship and I expected her to hate me for it. Why didn't she? I hated myself for it.

"Yep," the officer said. "She seemed pretty determined. And just between the two of us, I think she might think of you as a little more than a friend."

"Thanks," I say as the officer walks back to his car. I just stand on the sidewalk for a minute gathering my thoughts before I make a decision.

"Lane," I call as I walk though the diner. "I'll be upstairs."

"Sure boss," Lane calls back. I bound up the steps and formulate a plan on how to get my life back.

_Lorelai's POV_  
It's been another long, horrible day. My whole body hurts. I don't how it's possible for my third toe to hurt, but it does. I just want to go home lay on the couch and lose myself in some laughable Lifetime movie. Although if there's one on starring Tracey Gold I might have to get the tissues.

It's been two days since the "boat incident" and I haven't seen or heard from Luke. I noticed that the boat had been moved when I walked through town. I'm not sure if someone tipped him off to the officer looking suspiciously at his boat or not, but whatever happened he has moved it. It's easier for me to walk around town without seeing it anyway.

I slam the car door and fumble through my purse for my cell phone. Maybe I'll call Rory. She's been so busy flip-flopping between Logan and Marty that she could probably use the mental break and, truth be told, I really just miss her.

I'm about to dial her number when I look up and see Luke sitting on the porch steps. I swallow hard and take a deep breath before I shove my phone back into my purse and walk over to him.

"Hey," I say casually.

"Hi," he replies. I notice now that he has a bouquet of wildflowers next to him.

"What are you doing here?" I ask him.

"I wanted to see you," he says shyly. "I needed to talk to you."

"Do you wanna come inside? It's kind of cold out here," I say.

"No," he says. "I was kind of hoping you'd go for a walk with me."

"A walk?" I ask surprised.

"Yeah, it's not far," he tells me.

"Okay," I sigh. "Let's go."

He stands up and takes hold of the bouquet of flowers, but he hasn't given them to me. He's just carrying them as we walk along in silence. I want to ask him a million questions, but I'm stubborn and he's the one who came to see me. I feel it's only right to let him do the talking.

After we've walked a while I decide I have to know if he has a plan. "Where are we going?" I ask.

"Sorry," he says apologetically. "It's not much farther."

"You taking me to a dark place where no one can hear me scream?" I try to joke.

"No," Luke says taking my hand. "I'm taking you here."

We walk down the small slopped incline and I see where he's taken me. We're at the lake, by the footbridge. Not only that, but Luke has decorated the trees with thousands of twinkle lights and colorful Chinese lanterns. I see his boat, his father's boat, finished, floating by the dock.

"What did you do?" I ask.

He says nothing, just leads me down to the boat and helps me get in. He follows me into the boat and tosses me a thick wool blanket. After we're settled he begins to row and when we're in the middle of the lake he stops. He leans forward and takes my hands.

"Are you cold?" he asks quietly.

"No," I reply. "This blanket is great."

"Good," he replies.

"So what's this about?" I ask him.

"Lorelai," he begins. "I know I don't say much. I know I tend to be grumpy and uninvolved. I know I don't talk about my feelings and I don't read Oprah's Book Club, but I realized that I told you I loved you in the worst possible way I could have ever imagined. I told you I loved you as a consolation prize. I told you I loved you when you were walking out on me."

"Luke you didn't," I say. "You were trying to make me feel better and—"

He reaches forward and presses his finger to my lips to prevent me from saying anymore.

"This is my apology," he smiles. "The fact is that I'm sorry for causing you any pain. I_ never_ meant to hurt you. I just got so blindsided by the wedding and your mother and Christopher. I already had enough doubt in my head about whether or not I was good enough for you or whether or not I deserved someone like you. And I let all that doubt get the best of me. I started to believe that I wasn't good enough, that I didn't deserve you and I took it out on you. I'm so sorry."

The twinkle lights are reflecting in his eyes and I can tell it's hard for him to pour his heart out to me. Neither of us is especially willing to talk about our feelings, but he's willing to do it to make things better.

"I'm sorry too," I reply, my voice cracking a little. "I'm sorry for my mother and I'm so sorry for lying to you about Chris. I never should have done that. It was a mistake. At the time I thought I was protecting you, but I see now that you don't need protecting. But I still don't understand why you don't think you're good enough for me?"

"We've been friends for a while," he tells me. "And all that time I'd see the guys you'd date. Most of them were worldlier, more educated than me. To be honest, I'm content being here in Stars Hollow. I don't have dreams of expanding the diner and moving to the city. I'm happy here. But sometimes I feel like I might hold you back. Sometimes I wonder if you want more."

"Luke," I say intertwining my fingers with his. "I don't want a world traveler. I have no desire to move to the city and franchise the Dragonfly. I'm happiest when I'm here, in Stars Hollow at a festival or at the inn or with you."

"I want you to be able to have everything you've ever wanted," he tells me. "I never want you to have to give up anything you want because you're with me," he tells me seriously.

He's looking down, studying the bottom of the boat intently, but I know it's only because he doesn't want to look me in the eyes. I lean forward and lift his face up with my hand.

"I don't feel like I'll ever have to give anything up because I'm you," I tell him honestly. "Luke, you are the reason my dream of opening an inn came true. I was on the verge of losing everything I worked so hard for and I needed help. There you were with a shoulder to cry on a check for 30,000. No questions asked. Don't you see that without you I'd have lost my dream?"

"I never thought about it I guess," he tells me.

"I need you to know that there is no one else for me but you. In my entire life I've never met anyone as loving, generous, kind, devoted and infuriating as you," I laugh.

"I'm infuriating?" he grins.

"Sometimes I don't know whether I want to kiss you or hit you," I reply unabashedly.

"How about now?" he asks me flirtatiously.

"Hmm," I pretend to think. "Well I think I'm going to have to lean more towards kissing you at this moment."

"Good to hear," he replies as his lips press gently against mine.

I feel as if my heart is about to burst with stored up emotion. This is what I've missed. The phantom limb pain that I had without Luke is gone and I feel whole again. I lean into him and I feel his hands around my waist as I deepen the kiss. My lips part slowly and I run my tongue playfully over his. It feels like we're rediscovering each other and Luke's kiss seems more passionate, more urgent as he pulls me close.

I find myself leaning deeper into him. I have an overwhelming desire to melt into him. The connection that I missed for the last few weeks seems suddenly like years. Finally, after a moment Luke pulls back and looks me in the eyes.

"I love you," he tells me sincerely.

"I love you too," I say suddenly feeling my eyes glaze over with unexpected tears.

"Are you okay?" he asks me concerned. I feel his thumb gently graze my cheek to wipe away the tear.

"I'm fine," I said giggling and sniffling all at once. "I don't know why I'm crying. I'm happy, really I am."

"Are you sure?" he asks unconvinced.

"Yes," I say as I hit him playfully. "I'm just so…this is perfect and everything is so beautiful. For the last few weeks I didn't know if it would be okay. I was so scared and now—"

"Now it's how it should be," he says softly.

"Yeah," I smile at him. "I like that. It's how it should be."

Luke lies on his back and pulls me with him. I turn my body so that I'm resting comfortably on his chest. Our legs are tangled together and we just lay for a moment listening to the soft sound of the water plunking against the side of the boat.

"When did you finish the boat?" I ask him.

"This morning," he replies gently stroking his hand through my hair. "I figured I had to move it. I didn't want another run in with the law."

"But your meter was paid," I pulling my torso up and resting my arm across Luke's chest.

"I know," he smiles at me. "The officer told me that you paid it. He also told me that he thought you might like me as more than a friend."

"Really?" I say. "He might be right about that."

"I can only hope," he replies wryly.

"You did a nice job on the boat," I tell him settling back down next to him. "Your Dad would be very proud of you."

"Actually my Dad probably would have thrown the old hull out twenty years ago," Luke tells me.

"No, I think he'd be proud that you finished it," I say.

"Well I think he'd happy that I used it at all I guess," he says. "But who knows, my Dad wasn't really a big talker."

"You don't say," I say.

"Shocking I know," he tells me knowingly.

"You know when you took the boat I thought that was really the end," I tell him.

"I'm sorry," he says. "I mean I kind of figured that's what you'd think. I just couldn't go to your place anymore. It was too hard."

"Dirty," I say.

"Oh course," he says and I can tell he's rolling his eyes at me as he pulls my head closer and gives me a light kiss.

"You can't lie," I tell him. "I know you missed that."

"I did," he says so seriously that I can't tell if he's serious or if he's placating me. Although I truly believe he is just telling me what I want to hear.

"See, now I want to hit you," I tell him and I slap him on the shoulder as he puts up his hands to shield him from my assault.

"Remind me again why I missed you?" he laughs as I continue to hit him playfully.

"You like it rough, remember?" I giggle.

I bat at him for a moment before he finally grabs a hold of my hands and pulls me forward into a kiss. I knock his baseball cap off his head as I run my fingers through his hair.

"I love this," I say to him. "The twinkle lights were a nice touch."

"Well I know how upset you were when the twinkle light store closed," he tells me.

"Yeah," I agree nuzzling closer to him again.

As we float in the middle of the lake in the crisp March air I feel content again. Luke and I are okay and I no longer have thoughts fumbling through my mind. Thoughts of life without Luke, thoughts of becoming a cat breeder, all the horrific scenarios of my life without Luke are gone. I feel his hand gently stroking the small of my back as the small waves lap against the side of the boat and I'm finally where I've always wanted to be. Luke and I floating together in own world of existence, content with each other and the world around us.

The End.

A/N: A little sappy, yes, but as much as I love my angst, I love my romance.


End file.
